I have a long drive (10+ hours) coming up in the next few weeks and am seeking recommendations for a) podcasts (particularly long-form, 1+ hour format) and b) audio-books.

Please forward any recommendations to daveowencord@gmail.com! You can’t reply directly to this mailing (for now).

Thank you!

Last week I had two people share some pleasantries with me. Words matter and inauthentic pleasantries get thrown around more than they need to. And I am absolutely guilty of having said these phrases myself. They can easily become a habit and take some intention to avoid.

• “Let’s catch up soon!”

I bumped into someone unexpectedly in a professional setting (virtual meeting). Someone I have a loose personal relationship with. At the end of the call, as we were wrapping up, they said “Let’s catch up soon”! I’m certain this person doesn’t really have an interest in catching up soon, nor do I really have an interest in finding a new, separate time to catch up with them. So we both smiled and hopped off the call, and I’m sure there will be no related follow up. It was simply a pleasantry… and a bad habit.

If you aren’t planning to follow through, don’t suggest it. This situation happens often; a common example is bumping into someone on the street or at an event, and they say “So nice to see you! Let’s get together for a catch-up! Bye!” and that is where things end. Worse is when you bump into that same person for the second, third, and fourth times and the same inauthentic offer is repeated.

You don’t have an obligation to schedule catch up time with someone just because you happen to bump into them. It’s ok to have a nice exchange and leave it there. And if you really, truly, do want to see that person and catch up, that’s great! Follow through.

• “I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

Someone requested a 30 minute conversation with me to help them out with something and I happily obliged. After 11 minutes, we had covered all the questions they had. So they said, “Well, I really don’t want to take up too much of your time. Have a great day. Bye.” I couldn’t help but think, actually, you asked for 30 minutes and I accepted and already committed the time to chat with you, so you did in fact want to take up some time. I know he was simply sharing a pleasantry and probably intended to be polite. But it’s also just as easy to say “Alright, I think we’ve covered everything we need to. Have a great day. Bye.”.

…And maybe noticing both comments is a small step toward becoming a curmudgeon. I hope not!

I like to see things through. If I start something, I want to finish it.  Commitment, perseverance, and determination are all important values to me. And that applies to activities outside of work, such as reading; I feel I have to finish a book once I start it. Over the past five years, I can recall not finishing a book I’ve started only twice*.

A few months ago, I read this quote by Adam Grant:

“Public service announcement: You don’t have a moral obligation to finish every book you start. Stopping doesn’t mean you lack grit. It means you have the wisdom to let go of sunk costs. Reading is for entertainment and education. If it doesn’t bring joy or insight, move on.”

In 2024, I’ve read several lengthy (700+ page) novels that have felt like ‘work’ to get through. And so, I’ve been thinking about his quote and considering whether I need to change my approach. But when I review my list of finished books that have felt like hard slogs, I’m happy to have finished almost all of them.** I also have a concern about loosening my commitment, which is that it introduces a new decision with every book: to finish or not? And there are many books I’ve really enjoyed that took a while to get into, but ultimately were great. If I had moved on too early, I may have missed out.  

So, despite reflecting on my position, I plan to stick with my current approach and intent of starting a book to finish it. The one adjustment I plan to make is to increasingly be more diligent about what books I choose to start. There are so many fantastic, well reviewed and regarded books, I should be able to minimize the number of hard slog reads by being more selective upfront. Maybe that will satisfy my dilemma over time. We will see.

If anyone has good insights or thoughts on this topic, please do share!

*For those curious, one was “Why we sleep” by Matthew Walker. I felt the book sleeve sufficiently captured the takeaways and I was reading a novel that could have been a short article. The other was “The Mythical Man-Month” by Fred Brooks. Published in 1975 and focused on software development, a lot of the examples and references were so old it was a bit painful to read so I jumped around to a few chapters I was interested in and left it at that.

**Ironically, I’m currently reading “mistakes were made (but not by me)” by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, which discusses people’s proclivity towards self-justification. If it was hard to get through the book, but I was able to, I’m naturally more inclined to believe it was worth it.