Dump the pleasantries

Last week I had two people share some pleasantries with me. Words matter and inauthentic pleasantries get thrown around more than they need to. And I am absolutely guilty of having said these phrases myself. They can easily become a habit and take some intention to avoid.

  • “Let’s catch up soon!”

I bumped into someone unexpectedly in a professional setting (virtual meeting). Someone I have a loose personal relationship with. At the end of the call, as we were wrapping up, they said “Let’s catch up soon”! I’m certain this person doesn’t really have an interest in catching up soon, nor do I really have an interest in finding a new, separate time to catch up with them. So we both smiled and hopped off the call, and I’m sure there will be no related follow up. It was simply a pleasantry… and a bad habit.

If you aren’t planning to follow through, don’t suggest it. This situation happens often; a common example is bumping into someone on the street or at an event, and they say “So nice to see you! Let’s get together for a catch-up! Bye!” and that is where things end. Worse is when you bump into that same person for the second, third, and fourth times and the same inauthentic offer is repeated.

You don’t have an obligation to schedule catch up time with someone just because you happen to bump into them. It’s ok to have a nice exchange and leave it there. And if you really, truly, do want to see that person and catch up, that’s great! Follow through.

  • “I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

Someone requested a 30 minute conversation with me to help them out with something and I happily obliged. After 11 minutes, we had covered all the questions they had. So they said, “Well, I really don’t want to take up too much of your time. Have a great day. Bye.” I couldn’t help but think, actually, you asked for 30 minutes and I accepted and already committed the time to chat with you, so you did in fact want to take up some time. I know he was simply sharing a pleasantry and probably intended to be polite. But it’s also just as easy to say “Alright, I think we’ve covered everything we need to. Have a great day. Bye.”.

…And maybe noticing both comments is a small step toward becoming a curmudgeon. I hope not!


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