Occasionally, someone will say to me “it feels like we’re a family here”. Or “I feel like I’m part of the family!”. My stomach clenches when I hear those words.
Most often, I hear it shortly after someone new starts and has experienced a warm welcome from their new colleagues. Naturally, it’s said with positive intent. Unfortunately, it’s still misguided.
There can be a lot of similarities between high-performing teams and a functional family, so it’s understandable to sometimes confuse the two.
| High Performing Team | Functional Family | |
| Potential Similarities | ● Care about one another ● Support one another ● Teach one another ● Trust one another ● Shared purpose/values ● Positive dynamics and morale | ● Care about one another ● Support one another ● Teach one another ● Trust one another ● Shared purpose/values ● Positive dynamics and morale |
In fact, it’s pretty special when working on a team can bring to light positive feelings associated with family. Just remember, there is a key difference: team membership is conditional and family membership is not.
If you’re part of the team, it’s fundamentally based on the assumption you will uphold the team’s values and perform the accountabilities of your role. If you materially violate either of those expectations, you’re off the team.
Family dynamics are much more complicated and multi-faceted, which is why it’s actually a really good thing that your team is not your family. You want your colleagues and peers to be subject to certain expectations to continue to be on the team. That’s positive and healthy.